Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Past tense

Last night I found out that someone I loved very much has died. It's weird saying that in the past tense - loved, instead of love. It doesn't feel right, because I still love her, even if she's gone. She was my aunt. She was an artist, a comedian, and supporter of all things whimsical and silly. When I was little, every time I visited her we'd take turns wearing her chicken shaped tea cozy as a hat. As I got older she'd show me how to use things like her kneadable eraser and watercolour pencils. I have a picture of a castle on my wall that she drew me once while taking a graphic design course. It was the inspiration for most of my little-girl dreams, and many of my big-girl day dreams too.

I'm not going to lie - it hurts right now. I'm a mess and I didn't even get to see her as often as I wanted to. I can't begin to imagine what her husband and sons are feeling. I know we'll be ok in the long run, but right now I can't see it. However, my Mom just sent me something that we both think Auntie Anne would have approved of, considering who she was. Here it is:

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the opposite of death, and therefore you must at the very least think noisy and colourfully, or you're not alive." -- Mel Brooks

So that's what I'm going to do.

4 comments:

  1. Your Aunt was indeed all those things and more...a truly remarkable woman.
    She had a laugh that was infectious and I still can hear the sound of it when I close my eyes, think of her and listen.
    Close your eyes sweeetheart & know that she is with you still.
    Loving you,
    Mom xoxoxo

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  2. oh my love <3 I know all too well how you are feeling right now, as my own losses are very close to my heart.

    I am so sorry to hear that such a wonderful person has passed away. I know how much you adored her.

    One of the things that meant a lot to me after my brother died is to know that you will forever have your relationship with them... it's just different now. You will always be connected to your Aunt, she is with you.

    ...all my love <3

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  3. Dear Sweet Danielle!
    I know she likely felt the same way about you as you do about her. Trust that she would want you to go and ENJOY and make the most of your life. The quote you posted says it all-so, those of us who love you most will be flapping our arms right along with you darling girl! The hurt wains, to be replaced with positive thoughts of the joy she brought to you throughout your life. Relish those moments. Love you to bits!
    Hugs and kisses! Nicki

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  4. So sorry to hear about your loss. You are in my thoughts.

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